i like being interrupted

there ain’t just one way to do things y’all and that includes chit chat

From a young age we all (…right? or just me?) get told to talk in certain way. By family, teachers or even adults who overheard you once as a child. Use small talk. Make eye contact. Take turns asking questions. Don’t interrupt. But the truth is, this is just one way to communicate that works for a subset of people and it’s not natural or enjoyable for everyone.

It was only since starting my DPhil here in Oxford that I met friends who told me about the fact that different conversational styles exist. Once I started learning about my personal neurodivergent soup of ADHD and autism it hammered it home even more clearly, as things that I thought I had done that were ‘wrong’ were something that actually a lot of people did¹. I’d scold myself for my interruptions! (Even though they came from a positive place of enthusiasm) Or berate myself for trying to relate to people by sharing a similar experience, because from the view of someone who didn’t do that behaviour, it looked as if I was making things about me. Neurodivergent people may see these differences more starkly, as interrupting or monologuing can be diagnostic criteria, but conversational styles are useful for everyone.

It’s made me realise why I find it easier to talk to some people over others, has given me a bit of permission to feel freer to be myself (when I meet other interrupters I can really let my guard down) and helped me understand what other people might need for a conversation to go well .

Talking to a friendly recently, we were speaking in these analogies and it seemed like a useful thing to communicate - so here is a comic about a few things we noticed!

NOTEs:

• I am a Dr of galaxies not psychology, so these are musings based and not researched.

• The following is on ye olde social media - so if you’ve seen it before, there’s a lucky bonus at the end. ✌️

If you’re interested in more, read the wise Adam Mastroianni’s Good conversations have lots of doorknobs . A book I’ve been recommended on conversational styles is That’s Not What I Meant! By Deborah Tannen.

As promised, here is your bonus:

I cannot be held accountable for any ABBA related nightmares.

over and out,

josie p x

p.s.

• tickets for the next Shit Art Club at the Bristol Improv Theatre are available for 1:30pm and 3pm on 24 June

1. This study showed that autistic people communicate as well with one another as neurotypicals do, but when you mix the groups communication goes down (which is quite satisfying seeing as a lot of the autistic diagnostic criteria is how inept you are at socialising, but some of this may just be that it’s hard mixing styles.)