i didn’t realise there were lizards in my backpack
what assumptions are you unconsciously carrying around ?!
It’s not often that a single article can have a profound impact on your life. Sometimes the wording doesn’t quite click with your experiences, or it just takes brute force of reading the same topic in several iterations from several viewpoints to fully understand it (my partner frequently laments that things I’ve “omg isn’t this amazing I’m going to do this” are things that he has often been telling me for a long time, that just haven’t been absorbed into my conscious being).
WELL, I read this one and it’s advice I’ve been sharing ever since. I’ve read bits here and there that say attachment styles are going out of…style, so make of that aspect of it what you will based on your own research. But the key message I took away was evaluating and being aware of your underlying assumptions.
I’d unknowingly been walking around almost my whole life, for whatever reason of school bullies or being told off for my neurodivergent behaviour, assuming that EVERYONE was hostile towards me. I approached every interaction as one that had the potential for someone to be horrible to me or not like me. That it would probably go wrong and I had to be ready for that. I made myself fully guarded! Braced for the worst at all times! How e x h a u s t i n g ! That cheerfulness was something to be earned but not expected. In some cases, it stopped me doing things entirely out of fear. And I never stopped to consider that this was a belief, rather than a reality for everyone.
This article persuaded me that it was a safe and sane thing to walk around assuming the opposite. Assume everyone likes you, and not only do you have a better experience, but it’s also more likely to be true. It seems to be working for me anyway!
I still have to remind myself from time to time, but it’s gradually getting more automatic. I hope that by sharing this I may save someone else from the same tense constant feelings of expecting the worst, and lighten their every day. As well as to ponder, what else is in that rucksack*? (*see comic below)
